A therapy based on behavioural science that is widely used (particularly in the US) to teach skills and reduce behaviours considered problematic. ABA is one of the most covered therapies under US insurance and IDEA funding. It is also one of the most controversial in autistic communities, where many autistic adults report harmful experiences with intensive ABA focused on eliminating autistic traits rather than building skills. Modern 'naturalistic' ABA looks very different from older discrete trial approaches. If considering ABA, research the specific provider's philosophy and ensure the goal is the child's wellbeing, not the elimination of autistic characteristics.
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
An older term for what is now called ADHD (predominantly inattentive presentation). ADD was retired from the DSM in 1994 when all presentations were unified under ADHD. You'll still see ADD used informally, particularly by older generations and in some clinical contexts. If someone says their child has ADD, they typically mean ADHD without significant hyperactivity.
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)
A neurodevelopmental condition affecting attention, impulse control, and (sometimes) activity levels. Despite the name, it's not a deficit of attention: it's inconsistent attention. Children with ADHD can focus intensely on things that interest them (hyperfocus) while struggling to sustain attention on tasks that don't engage their brain. ADHD comes in three presentations: predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive, and combined.
Autism / Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC / ASD)
A neurodevelopmental condition characterised by differences in social communication, sensory processing, and ways of thinking and experiencing the world. 'Spectrum' means it presents very differently in different people, not a linear scale from 'mild' to 'severe'. Many autistic people prefer the term 'autistic' (identity-first language) over 'person with autism', though preferences vary.
Alexithymia
Difficulty identifying, describing, and understanding one's own emotions. Common in autism and ADHD. A child with alexithymia isn't suppressing their feelings: they genuinely can't read them. They may know something feels 'bad' but not be able to name whether it's sadness, anxiety, anger, or physical discomfort. This makes standard emotional regulation advice ('just tell me how you feel') ineffective. Body-based approaches (noticing physical sensations rather than naming emotions) are often more helpful.
ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder)
An eating disorder characterised by highly restricted food intake based on sensory sensitivities, fear of choking or vomiting, or low interest in food, and not related to body image. ARFID is distinct from 'picky eating': it typically involves extreme limitation in textures, colours, temperatures, or food groups, significant distress around mealtimes, and often nutritional deficiency. Very common in autism and ADHD. Diagnosed via DSM-5 criteria. Treatment typically involves gradual exposure, OT for sensory work, and sometimes dietitian support.
AuDHD
Informal but widely used term for people who have both autism and ADHD. The two conditions co-occur in roughly 50–70% of cases. AuDHD can present differently from either condition alone; for example, ADHD's drive for novelty can conflict with autism's preference for routine, creating unique challenges.
CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services)
The NHS service in the UK that provides mental health support to children and young people. CAMHS offers assessment and treatment for anxiety, depression, trauma, eating disorders, and neurodevelopmental conditions. Referrals typically come from GPs or schools. Waiting times are notoriously long in most areas, often 12–18+ months. CAMHS thresholds (how severe a presentation needs to be for referral) vary by region and are frequently criticised as too high. Private CAMHS-equivalent services exist and are sometimes faster, but costly.
CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)
A structured talking therapy that explores the connections between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. CBT is the most commonly offered therapy for anxiety, depression, and OCD in children and adults in both the UK and US. Standard CBT can be less effective for autistic and ADHD children without adaptation: it assumes the person can accurately identify and challenge their own thoughts, which is harder with alexithymia or impulsive thinking. Modified CBT approaches designed for neurodivergent individuals are available.
Co-regulation
The process by which a calm, regulated adult helps a dysregulated child return to a calm state, by co-existing in a calm, non-reactive way rather than through instruction or discipline. Children's nervous systems are immature and they literally borrow regulatory capacity from regulated adults around them. You cannot teach a dysregulated child, or expect them to reason, follow instructions, or make choices, until they are co-regulated back to a calm state. This is why staying calm yourself during a meltdown is one of the most important and hardest things a parent can do.
Demand Avoidance
A profile seen in some autistic and ADHD individuals where demands (including ordinary requests, expectations, and transitions) trigger an anxiety-based avoidance response. Demand avoidance is driven by anxiety and a need to feel in control, not defiance or laziness. Traditional behaviour management approaches that rely on commands, rewards, and consequences often make things significantly worse.
Dyscalculia
A learning difference that specifically affects number sense, arithmetic, and understanding mathematical concepts, and is not related to intelligence or effort. Children with dyscalculia may struggle to understand the meaning of numbers, remember maths facts, estimate quantities, or tell the time. Often missed because it gets overshadowed by dyslexia or ADHD diagnoses. Less well-known than dyslexia but equally impactful.
Dysgraphia
A learning difference that affects writing. Children with dysgraphia may have very poor handwriting, inconsistent letter formation, difficulty organising thoughts on paper, and significant fatigue when writing, even when they have no trouble with verbal expression. Often co-occurs with dyslexia and dyspraxia.
Dyslexia
A learning difference that primarily affects reading, spelling, and phonological processing (the ability to connect letters and sounds). Not related to intelligence. Dyslexia often runs in families. Many dyslexic people have significant strengths in visual thinking, creativity, and problem-solving.
A condition affecting motor coordination and planning. Children with dyspraxia may struggle with handwriting, physical education, self-care tasks (buttons, laces), and tasks that require sequencing movements. It often co-occurs with ADHD and dyslexia. Can also affect organisation and working memory.
Echolalia
Repeating words, phrases, or sounds heard elsewhere, either immediately (immediate echolalia) or later (delayed echolalia). Common in autism. Echolalia is often functional: children may use a memorised phrase from a TV show or book because it maps onto the current situation for them, even if it sounds random to others. It can be a form of communication, self-regulation, or language learning. It's not 'parroting' or a problem to be eliminated: it's the brain's way of processing language.
Educational Psychologist (EP)
A psychologist who specialises in children's learning, development, and wellbeing in educational settings. EPs assess children's cognitive, educational, and emotional needs and make recommendations for support. In the UK, an EP assessment is often a key part of the EHCP process. EP reports carry significant weight in SEND tribunals. EPs can be accessed through the local authority (usually as part of the EHCP process) or privately.
EHCP (Education, Health and Care Plan)
A legal document in England for children and young people (up to age 25) with significant additional needs. An EHCP describes the child's needs in detail and legally commits the local authority and school to providing specific support. Applying for an EHCP involves a needs assessment requested by parents or the school. Wait times are typically 20 weeks from request to plan. An EHCP is reviewed annually.
Emotional Dysregulation
Difficulty managing emotional responses in proportion to the situation: experiencing emotions that are more intense, more sudden, or longer-lasting than would be typical. Very common in ADHD and autism. Emotional dysregulation isn't 'bad behaviour': it's a neurological difference in the brain's ability to modulate the intensity of emotional experience. Children with emotional dysregulation are not choosing to overreact. Their nervous system is genuinely experiencing the situation more intensely.
Executive Function
A set of cognitive processes managed largely by the prefrontal cortex that govern planning, organising, prioritising, starting tasks, managing time, holding information in mind (working memory), and regulating emotions. Executive function difficulties are central to ADHD and are also common in autism and dyspraxia. The frustrating thing: executive function is invisible from the outside. A child who 'seems capable' may have severe executive function impairment.
FAPE (Free Appropriate Public Education)
A right guaranteed to children with disabilities in the United States under IDEA (the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act). FAPE means that eligible children with disabilities are entitled to an education that meets their individual needs at no cost to parents. 'Appropriate' does not mean 'the best possible'; courts have interpreted it as meaningful educational benefit. FAPE is the foundation of all special education rights in the US. If a school is not providing FAPE, parents can request a due process hearing.
504 Plan
A legal accommodation plan in the United States under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act. A 504 Plan documents specific adjustments a school must make to give a student with a disability equal access to education, for example extended time on tests, preferential seating, movement breaks, or reduced homework. A 504 Plan is less comprehensive than an IEP but easier to obtain, as it doesn't require a formal special education evaluation. Children who don't qualify for an IEP but need accommodations often benefit from a 504 Plan.
Hyperfocus
A state of intense, locked-in concentration on an activity of interest (the opposite of what most people expect from ADHD). During hyperfocus, a child may be completely unresponsive to interruption, lose track of time, and forget to eat. Hyperfocus isn't within conscious control. It's the ADHD brain's attention system working at full capacity, just on the 'wrong' thing.
IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act)
The US federal law that governs special education. IDEA guarantees eligible children with disabilities aged 3–21 the right to a free appropriate public education (FAPE) in the least restrictive environment (LRE), provided through an Individualized Education Program (IEP). IDEA covers 13 disability categories including autism, ADHD (under Other Health Impairment), specific learning disabilities, speech/language impairment, and others. If you're in the US and your child has significant needs at school, IDEA is the law that protects them.
IEP (Individualized Education Program)
A legally binding document in the United States that outlines the special education services a child with a disability will receive. The IEP is developed by a team including parents, teachers, and specialists, and must be reviewed at least annually. It includes the child's current performance, measurable goals, specific services provided, and accommodations. Parents are legal members of the IEP team and have the right to disagree, request revisions, and request an independent evaluation. The IEP is the US equivalent of the UK's EHCP, though the process and rights differ significantly.
Interoception
The sense that tells us what's happening inside our body: hunger, thirst, tiredness, needing the toilet, pain, heartbeat, and emotions as physical sensations. Many autistic and ADHD children have interoceptive differences: they may not notice they're hungry until they're ravenous, not register tiredness until they're completely overwhelmed, or struggle to identify what emotion they're feeling. This explains why 'how are you feeling?' can be genuinely hard to answer.
Low Arousal
Both a neurological state and a parenting/care approach. As a neurological state, low arousal means the nervous system is under-stimulated; children in this state may appear sluggish, unmotivated, or 'switched off'. As an approach, Low Arousal (developed by Andrew McDonnell) means reducing environmental and interpersonal demands to prevent challenging behaviour from escalating. It involves calm body language, quiet voice, minimal demands, giving space, and avoiding confrontation. Widely used in autism and PDA support.
Masking / Camouflaging
The conscious or unconscious suppression of natural neurodivergent traits in order to appear 'normal' or avoid negative reactions. Masking is exhausting and is a significant contributor to burnout, especially in girls and young women who are often socialised to mask more. A child who 'seems fine at school' is often masking, and then collapses at home where they feel safe.
Melatonin
A hormone naturally produced by the brain that regulates sleep. Sleep onset problems are very common in ADHD and autism, partly because the brain's melatonin release is often delayed by 1–2 hours. Melatonin supplements are used to bring forward sleep onset. In the UK, melatonin is prescription-only for children and typically requires referral to a paediatrician or specialist. In the US and Australia, melatonin is available over the counter in pharmacies. Research supports low doses (0.5–3mg) taken 30–60 minutes before the desired sleep time. Always discuss with a doctor before starting.
Meltdown
A nervous system response to overwhelming stimulation, demand, or stress. Unlike a tantrum, a meltdown is not goal-directed or manipulative: the child has genuinely lost control and cannot stop even if they want to. Meltdowns often look like screaming, crying, hitting, or throwing things, but can also be a 'shutdown' (going silent, unresponsive, withdrawing). The right response is to reduce demands and stimulation, not to negotiate or discipline.
Monotropism
A theory of autism that suggests autistic people have a tendency to focus attention intensely on a small number of interests at a time, rather than spreading attention broadly. Developed by autistic researchers Dinah Murray and Wenn Lawson. Monotropism helps explain many autistic traits: the deep focus on special interests, the difficulty switching tasks or attention (transitions require 'moving the spotlight'), the need for predictability, and the distress caused by interruptions. Many autistic people find this theory more personally resonant than diagnostic criteria.
Neurodivergent / Neurodivergence
An umbrella term for people whose brains work differently from the 'typical' (neurotypical) brain. Includes ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, Tourette's, and other neurological differences. 'Neurodivergent' is often preferred over terms like 'special needs' because it frames the difference as a variation rather than a deficit.
Neurotypical (NT)
A person whose neurological development and function follows the statistically typical pattern. Often shortened to 'NT' in neurodivergent communities. Not a judgement, just a descriptor.
Object Permanence (ADHD context)
In ADHD, 'object permanence' is used informally to describe the tendency for things that are out of sight to genuinely feel out of mind, not just forgotten, but no longer mentally present. If a toy is put away, it stops existing in their awareness. If a friend isn't in front of them, the friendship feels distant. If a task isn't visible, it doesn't generate any urgency. This explains why 'out of sight, out of mind' is so powerful: the solution is often making things visible rather than expecting the child to remember them.
ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder)
A behavioural diagnosis characterised by persistent patterns of angry/irritable mood, argumentative/defiant behaviour, or vindictiveness toward authority figures. ODD is one of the most controversial diagnoses in neurodivergent communities. Many clinicians and advocates argue that what gets labelled ODD in neurodivergent children is often a predictable response to environments that don't accommodate their needs: unmet sensory needs, demand avoidance, anxiety, or trauma from repeated failures. The diagnosis can also mask PDA. That said, ODD is commonly co-diagnosed with ADHD, and some children do benefit from targeted support.
Occupational Therapy (OT)
Therapeutic support focused on improving a person's ability to participate in daily activities ('occupations'). For children, this typically means fine motor skills, sensory processing, self-care, and school-based activities. OTs often assess and support children with dyspraxia, sensory processing differences, and autism. Can be accessed via NHS referral (with waiting times) or privately.
Processing Speed
How quickly the brain can take in information, make sense of it, and respond. Low processing speed is common in ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and dyspraxia. A child with slow processing speed isn't 'slow' overall: they may have high intelligence but need more time to read, respond to questions, copy from the board, or complete tests. They're often misread as unengaged or defiant when they're simply still processing. Extra time in assessments is one of the most impactful accommodations for children with processing speed differences.
PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)
A profile within the autism spectrum characterised by extreme avoidance of everyday demands, driven by anxiety and a need for control. The word 'pathological' is considered unhelpful by many in the community; some prefer 'pervasive drive for autonomy'. PDA is not currently a formal diagnostic category in DSM-5 or ICD-11, but is increasingly recognised by clinicians. Conventional parenting approaches (consequences, rewards, commands) often make PDA worse.
Proprioception
The body's sense of its own position and movement in space, often called 'the hidden sense'. Children who seek proprioceptive input may love crashing, jumping, heavy lifting, or tight spaces. Children who are proprioceptively under-responsive may appear clumsy, bump into things, or not notice how hard they're holding or hitting things. Proprioceptive activities (trampolining, carrying heavy bags, pushing/pulling) can be very regulating for sensory-sensitive children.
RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)
An intense emotional response to perceived or actual rejection, criticism, or failure, which is common in people with ADHD. RSD isn't standard emotional sensitivity. It's a sudden, overwhelming wave of shame or hurt that feels unbearable in the moment. RSD can cause children to avoid trying things in case they fail, become very distressed at criticism, or have explosive outbursts when they feel rejected.
SALT / SLT (Speech and Language Therapy)
Therapy focused on communication, language, and swallowing. In the UK, the profession is called Speech and Language Therapy (SALT or SLT). In the US, it's called Speech-Language Pathology (SLP). For neurodivergent children, SALT may work on: expressive language (saying what you mean), receptive language (understanding what's said), pragmatic language (using language socially), word-finding, and AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) for non-speaking children. Can be accessed via NHS referral (with waits) or privately in the UK; via school IEP or insurance in the US.
School Avoidance / Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA)
Difficulty attending school due to emotional distress rather than truancy. Previously called 'school refusal'. EBSA is very common in neurodivergent children, particularly those with anxiety, autism, or PDA. The child isn't choosing to miss school; they're overwhelmed by the demands of the school environment. Punitive responses (fines, threats) consistently make EBSA worse. Effective approaches involve reducing the trigger demands, building trust, gradual reintegration, and addressing underlying needs. Also called school refusal, PDA-based school avoidance, or emotionally-based non-attendance (EBNA).
Self-regulation
The ability to manage one's own emotions, attention, and behaviour: calming down when distressed, focus when needed, and control impulses. Self-regulation develops gradually throughout childhood and depends significantly on co-regulation first. Children with ADHD, autism, and anxiety typically have delayed or different self-regulation development. You can't teach self-regulation through punishment; it develops through repeated experiences of being co-regulated by a calm adult.
SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities)
The umbrella term used in England and Wales for children who have additional learning needs or disabilities. A child has SEND if they have a learning difficulty or disability that requires special educational provision. Schools in England are required to have a SEND policy and a SENCO. SEND support ranges from informal classroom adjustments (SEN Support) through to a formal EHCP for children with more significant needs. Scotland uses different terminology (Additional Support Needs / ASN).
Sensory Diet
A personalised daily programme of sensory activities designed to keep the nervous system regulated. Not about food: about giving the body the sensory 'nutrition' it needs throughout the day. Developed by occupational therapists but can be implemented at home. A sensory diet might include scheduled movement breaks, proprioceptive activities, oral sensory tools, and calming sensory inputs.
Sensory Processing Differences / SPD
Differences in how the nervous system receives and processes sensory information. Can involve over-sensitivity (hypersensitivity) or under-sensitivity (hyposensitivity) to one or more of the senses, including the lesser-known senses of proprioception, interoception, and vestibular sense. Very common in autism and ADHD. Affects clothing, food, noise, light, touch, and many aspects of daily life.
SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator)
The teacher in a UK school responsible for coordinating provision for children with additional needs. Every state school must have a designated SENCO. They are your key contact for requesting support, discussing concerns, and accessing specialist services. In secondary schools, the SENCO may also be called the INCO (Inclusion Coordinator) or similar. The US equivalent role is typically the Special Education Coordinator or Director of Special Education.
Shutdown
A quieter form of overwhelm response where the child goes silent, withdraws, becomes unresponsive, or 'zones out'. Shutdowns are often less visible than meltdowns and may be mistaken for sulking, rudeness, or not listening. Like meltdowns, shutdowns are an involuntary nervous system response. The child is not choosing to ignore you.
Spikey Profile
The pattern of highly uneven abilities seen in many neurodivergent children: exceptional strengths in some areas alongside significant difficulties in others. The 'spikes' can go in both directions. A child might be years ahead in vocabulary and years behind in motor coordination. This is why 'but they can do X, so they should be able to do Y' is not a valid argument: the profile is genuinely uneven.
Stimming (Self-Stimulatory Behaviour)
Repetitive movements or behaviours that help regulate the nervous system: rocking, hand-flapping, spinning, tapping, repeating words or sounds, fiddling with objects. Stimming is common in autism and ADHD. It serves a function: reducing anxiety, providing sensory input, or expressing emotion. Suppressing stimming forces the child to use mental energy for behaviour management instead of learning. In most cases, stimming should be accommodated, not eliminated.
Twice Exceptional (2e)
A term for children who are both gifted and have learning differences or disabilities. A 2e child might have exceptional ability in maths or creative writing while also having ADHD and dysgraphia. Their gift can mask their difficulties (they cope through intelligence until they can't) and their difficulties can mask their gift (they underperform because of barriers, not ability). 2e children are chronically under-identified.
Vestibular Sense
The sense of balance and movement, processed in the inner ear. Children with vestibular sensitivities may be motion sick easily, dislike spinning or playground equipment, or conversely seek lots of swinging, spinning, and movement to feel regulated. Links to proprioception and is processed in the same sensory systems.
Special Interest
An area of deep, passionate, focused interest, common in autism though also seen in ADHD. Special interests aren't just hobbies. They're a primary source of joy, identity, regulation, and learning. A child who knows every detail of a particular dinosaur species, train system, or video game isn't being obsessive: they're doing what their brain does best. Special interests can be leveraged as a bridge to learning, motivation, and connection. Suppressing or dismissing them is a missed opportunity and genuinely harmful.
SLP (Speech-Language Pathology / Pathologist)
The US term for what the UK calls Speech and Language Therapy (SALT/SLT). SLPs assess and treat communication disorders including expressive and receptive language delays, articulation, fluency, voice, and social pragmatic language. For neurodivergent children, SLPs may also work on AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication), social communication skills, and literacy. School-based SLP services in the US are provided as part of an IEP; private SLP is also widely available.
Task Initiation
The ability to begin a task, also called getting started. This is a specific executive function skill and one of the most impacted in ADHD. Task initiation difficulties mean a child can sit in front of homework for 45 minutes without starting not because they're lazy or defiant, but because their brain cannot generate the activation energy to begin. The task being 'easy' makes no difference. Strategies that help: external prompts, body doubling (working alongside someone else), breaking the task into the smallest possible first step, or using interest to create a hook into the task.
Time Blindness
A term popularised by ADHD researcher Dr Russell Barkley to describe the difficulty many people with ADHD have perceiving time accurately. Time blindness means the future doesn't feel real and the past fades quickly, and the only time that registers vividly is right now. This explains why a child can 'forget' a commitment that was only hours away, why '5 more minutes' turns into an hour, and why deadlines only generate urgency at the last possible moment. Externalising time (clocks, timers, visual countdowns) is more effective than expecting the internal sense of time to improve.
Tourette Syndrome / Tic Disorders
Tourette Syndrome (TS) is a neurodevelopmental condition characterised by multiple motor tics and at least one vocal tic, present for more than a year. Tics are sudden, repetitive, non-rhythmic movements or vocalisations. They are involuntary (or more accurately, semi-voluntary, like the urge to blink). Contrary to popular belief, most people with Tourette's do not swear (coprolalia affects only 10–15%). Tic disorders (including provisional tic disorder and persistent tic disorder) are more common than full Tourette's. Tics often worsen with stress and improve with focused activity. ADHD co-occurs in approximately 50–60% of people with TS.
Transition (in neurodivergent contexts)
The shift from one activity, environment, or state to another. Transitions are one of the most common triggers for distress in autistic and ADHD children. For autistic children, transitions require shifting monotropic attention from one focus to another, which is a cognitively and emotionally demanding process. For ADHD children, transitions demand executive function: stopping one thing, holding the new plan in mind, and starting something else. Strategies: visual and verbal warnings before transitions, countdowns, visual schedules that make transitions predictable, and building in transition time rather than expecting instant shifts.
Working Memory
The ability to hold and manipulate information in mind over short periods, sometimes described as 'mental RAM'. Essential for following multi-step instructions, mental arithmetic, and tracking where you are in a task. Working memory difficulties are extremely common in ADHD and dyslexia. A child who 'forgets instructions as soon as you give them' probably isn't ignoring you: they literally don't have the capacity to hold all the information at once.
