Understanding Your Own Stimming

You stim (fidget, rock, tap, pace, pick at skin) and feel self-conscious about it, or you're suppressing natural regulation behaviours

Steps

Recognise that stimming is a natural, healthy self-regulation behaviour — not something to be ashamed of
Identify your stims: pen clicking, leg bouncing, hair twisting, skin picking, nail biting, humming, rocking
Notice WHEN you stim. It's often during stress, concentration, excitement, or sensory overload — this tells you about your needs
Give yourself permission. Suppressing stims (masking) takes enormous energy and can increase anxiety
If a stim causes harm (skin picking, hair pulling), find a safer alternative that meets the same sensory need
Model accepting your own stims for your child — they need to see that regulation behaviours are normal

What you need

Self-awareness and self-compassion. Optional: fidget tools, chew jewellery, textured items

Why it works

Many neurodivergent adults were taught to suppress their stims as children, creating shame around natural regulation behaviours. Recognising and accepting your own stimming reduces the energy cost of masking, improves your own regulation, and models self-acceptance for your child.

Age guidance

Designed for adults. Many parents discover their own stimming patterns through their child's diagnosis journey.

Real-world example

A parent realised they'd been clicking pens in meetings for 20 years — a stim they'd never identified. Once they stopped feeling embarrassed and let themselves fidget freely, their concentration in meetings actually improved. Suppressing it had been costing them more than they realised.

Troubleshooting

If you grew up being told to 'sit still' or 'stop fidgeting', unlearning that shame takes time. Be patient with yourself
Your child's stims might make more sense once you recognise your own
Many adults don't realise they stim until they learn about neurodivergence through their child's journey
There's a strong genetic component to neurodivergence — understanding your own brain helps you understand your child's